What Do You Mean, You Didn't Sterilize The Tree?
by Errie Wyvern
Summary: Monk spends Christmas with Sharona. And some other people...
1. Well, This Will Certainly Surprise Mom

Title: What Do You Mean, You Didn't Sterilize The Tree? Rating: strong PG-13. There will be 'thematic elements' later on. Summary: Monk spends Christmas with Sharona. And some other people... Disclaimer: I don't own it. There, are you happy now, you monsters?! *runs off screaming, only to come back and neatly rearrange the rug* What? I can't have Adrian seeing a messed up rug! That's...that's immoral!  
  
Benji opened the wreathed door, wearing a bright red sweater with 'Merry Christmas' in bold green lettering on the front. His normally sweet face was twisted up into a grimace at the abnormally festive sweater Sharona had made him wear. The sour look quickly faded to horror.  
  
"Great-Aunt Marge! Aunt Gail! I didn't know you were going to be coming here...today..." His voice faded off as his two most disliked relatives stared at him from the rain soaked steps. His eyes widened in fear as Marge stepped forward.  
  
"Young man, where is your mother?" Great-Aunt Marge was every child's nightmare relative. Her blue eye shadow was caked on her lids, penciled eyebrows thin and messily drawn. Carmine lipstick donned her lips, and Benji wasn't sure if any of Mr. Monk's cleaning solutions were strong enough to get it off. Piles of candy floss hair were pinned severely into place on her 65 year old head. A strand of yellowed pearls draped across her neck, clashing with the cream dress she wore so badly. A lethal- looking gatorskin handbag sat in the crook of her elbow.  
  
"She...she's out getting Mr. Monk. She insisted tha..." Benji stuttered.  
  
"Oh God, she's not bringing that nut case over, is she? My God, Sharona just doesn't know when to give up. Monk's hopeless, and besides, Christmas is meant for FAMILY, and he doesn't fit into my family tree, unless a branch got severed." Aunt Gail was just as obnoxious as ever, even though he'd never tell her that. Bright gold curls were pulled back into an elegant twist as a long black, most probably designer, dress clung to her curves.  
  
Great-Aunt Marge simply lifted a shaky eyebrow. "Mr. Monk? I thought he was her boss, not her boyfriend. Why isn't he spending this time with his own family?" Her harsh voice was made scratchy from years as a cigarette smoker in dark little pubs. A sneer only drew attention to her sallow sagging cheeks.  
  
Benji looked down sadly for a moment before staring his family in the eye. "Mr. Monk's wife died seven years ago. That's why he's...the way he is. He doesn't have any other family. Besides, I like Mr. Monk!" Benji took delight in being able to defy his extended relatedonlybyblood family.  
  
Great-Aunt Marge gave another atrocious sneer. "Well, Sharona's real family is here now. I'll size this Mr. Monk up when they get here. When did she leave?" By the time the last question slipped past her lips, Great- Aunt Marge was already barreling into the small apartment.  
  
'Well, this is going to be hellish for poor Monk.' Thought Benji as his aunt threw her belongings in a hapzard heap on the hallway floor. Gail tossed her head and examined the pictures along the walls. "She left about fifteen minutes ago. It might take her a little bit to convince Mr. Monk to come along." 


	2. Talking with Trudy

For everything, just look at the first chapter. I love feedback!! I thrive on it!!! Give me feedback!!! I've received nothing but good things so far, and because of that, this might be the first chapter story that I actually FINISH!!! I know, amazing. So, good feedback=finished story!  
  
Enjoy.  
  
"Adrian! We don't have enough room in car for six suitcases!" Sharona was tired and a more than a little frustrated with Monk's behavior. He'd insisted getting a gift for everyone, not just her and Benji. He wanted to 'make a good impression'. Sharona had gone with him, helping him pick out gifts for everyone that was coming.  
  
Adrian wouldn't tell her Benji's present, let alone her own. Gail had gotten some sort of French perfume from Monk and a swanky new handbag from Sharona. Aunt Marge was going to be given a mutual gift from Sharona, Monk and Benji, a new string of pearls. A few of Sharona's friends from around town were coming. Monk had gotten Cheryl a Beanie Baby ("She'll love the pink bear Adrian, honestly!") Katherine a copy of Hamlet ("She mentioned once that she'd seen the play but never read it.") and Marie the Moulin Rouge soundtrack ("She adored the movie, Adrian!").  
  
Sharona softened for a moment at the thought of his honeyed eyes gazing into hers at they went Christmas shopping. She felt something tug at her heartstrings. He'd braved a crowded mall just for her, not even asking to leave early until she'd done all of her shopping. His present from her was nice and safe under the Christmas tree at home. She really hoped he liked it.  
  
As Adrian came running out of the house with only three bags, he gasped, "Put these in the trunk, Sharona. I'll be right back." Raising her hands in defeat, she began to load the immaculate suitcases. He was probably going back to check the oven again, or the lights, or the heater, or his mailbox, or his carpet, or his vacuum cleaner, or his bed, or those fuzzy bunny slippers she'd bought him last year.  
  
She was surprised, however, when he came jogging out with a half dozen red roses and a holly wreath. He smiled at her in his adorable Monkish way and said quietly, "Sharona, can we make a quick stop to the cemetery?" His deep amber eyes flashed an even deeper pain for a moment, and her heart melted.  
  
"Of course Adrian. We'll go by a see Trudy for a few minutes." She patted his shoulder and got into the car. He looked at her gratefully for a second, then proceeded to wipe a few specks of dust off of the car. "Come on Adrian, we don't want to keep Benji waiting."  
  
A few moments later, they pulled up to the cemetery. Monk and Sharona demurely exited the car, closing the doors quietly. The only sound around Trudy's grave was Monk's quiet speech.  
  
"Trudy, I brought you these...these flowers. I re...remember the first date we went on. I bought you a red rose, and you...you loved it. And on every...every anniversary, I bought you a bouquet of them. Oh, and I bought you a wreath. I made sure that every holly leaf is perfectly in proportion to all others. Just for you."  
  
Sharona smiled. It was nice that Monk still thought of his wife after all these years. But still, Benji might be getting worried. They still had to clean the house before Gail and Aunt Marge arrived tomorrow. "Adrian? Adrian, we have to go." She gently went over and laid a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, tears glistening in the crisp winter sun.  
  
"In...in just a minute Sharona. I need to have a little...a little personal time with Trudy first. I'll be there in a minute." He gave her a watery smile and then put a hand on the cold tombstone.  
  
"Sure, sure Adrian. No more than five minutes, okay?" He nodded and she turned around to leave. When she got back to the car, Sharona thought about how Monk would get along with Aunt Marge. Gail might prove a problem, but not one that was difficult to solve.  
  
Back at Trudy's grave...  
  
"Trudy, I love you. You know I love you. I feel like bursting every time I think of you. Especially on Christmas. All of the happy times we shared, and then all the hopes of sharing them with children. When I found out that...that you were two months pregnant, after the ceremony, I...I started to break inside. Actually, the baby might have broken me." Here he stopped and wiped at the tears. A few deep breaths of winter air before continuing.  
  
"But, I want you to know...I've found someone else in my heart. I will always love you, but I think I love her too. I know that you would have wanted me to go on with me life, so that's why I'm going to ask Sharona to marry me." 


	3. Death By Fuzz

When Sharona and Adrian pulled up to her house, she frowned. There was something not right...something out of place. Something that...  
  
Then it hit her. The peeling blue car, with it's ripped leather interior and faded license plate, with it's many dents and dings, with one semi- working headlight. That atrocious piece of lawn décor was AUNT MARGE'S!! What?? She wasn't supposed to be here till tomorrow!!  
  
Sharona felt her eye beginning to twitch. Dammit, she though she'd gotten rid of that in the sixth grade. It didn't matter now...with no time to prepare Monk for the atrociousness that was Aunt Marge...Sharona groaned.  
  
Monk blinked and looked around. Then he pulled his sleeve up over his hand and tapped Sharona on the shoulder. "Um, Sharon? Why are you, well, why are you banging your head on the steering wheel?"  
  
Sharona whapped her forehead once more on the fuzzy green cover on her wheel, then replied in a muffled voice, "I'm trying to kill myself before SHE does."  
  
"SHE?" Monk just sounded amused now.  
  
"Yes, Adrian. That...that she devil in blue eyeshadow! That turkey-whore who would like nothing better for me to take you in and have you make a fool of yourself in front of her and Gail and EVERYONE!" Sharona was now attempting to smoother herself with bright blue fuzzy dice hanging from her mirror.  
  
"Sharona.?"  
  
There was the slam of a door, and Sharona looked up dramatically. "My life is over as I know it." She whispered it like it was some deep and profound proverb.  
  
Monk straightened his tie and smiled politely at the sour looking cow of a woman who was marching in their general direction. "'I am significant,' cried the dust speck."  
  
"No, no Adrian, when Aunt Marge is the universe, you don't even amount to a dust speck. I, however, seem to rank somewhere in the neighborhood of Pluto." Sharona peeped over her fuzzy dice, looking straight at Monk.  
  
"Don't worry Sharona, I'd rather be Pluto in your universe than the sun in Marge's." Monk gave her that adorable teddy-bear smile that made her melt every time.  
  
"Adrian, let's go meet Aunt Marge." 


End file.
